Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
