Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
