OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
