rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
worst night to have a conscience
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We had sex on a dog bed..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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