new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Two words: blizzard sex
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
