WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
