he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
