good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize