If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
