it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize