I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
