I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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