Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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