You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
