Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
