If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
