Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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