the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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