hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
