I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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