I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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