He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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