at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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