u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
