gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
