He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
