btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
