i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
