Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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