her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
