Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
