this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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