Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So much rum. So many feels.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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