THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
