i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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