he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
