I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just pynch a tree in the face
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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