We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
