whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
