I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
MIDGETS
????
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
