he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
