who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
