there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
