good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
