my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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