dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
