no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
