i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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