you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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