I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
