All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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