SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
