Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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