forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize