Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
