I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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