I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
