we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
