She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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