I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Girls should come with a carfax report
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
