you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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