Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
