when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
