I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
