a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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