i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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