My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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