I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
