I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
