I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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