There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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