He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
