Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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