I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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